2019

Monday, 14 January 2019

Well that came around rather quickly didn't it? I am usually very against the whole new year new me thing, but after a shocker of a year last year I am ready to turn the page & go into this new year with a different mind set. Don't get me wrong, I'm not about to reinvent myself because it's a new year but I'm very much here for reevaluating & changing a few things up this year. I don't know about anyone else but I very much need a bit more of a positive year, in every aspect.



I've said a few times over different platforms that I really struggled my way through 2018 but never really explained why last year was so fucking shit. I know I don't have to explain why but I'm going to, so maybe people will understand why I'm feeling this way but it's also a little therapeutic to actually open up about things I have kept very close to me.

2018 started with my Dad suffering a heart attack, luckily it was a mild one which meant issues were found and fixed very quickly, although I'm never going to forget that morning. The beginning of the year was also spent helping Alice as much as I could, along with little Joshua being poorly too.
The next thing to hit my family was my Great Grandma suffering a stroke and being hospitalised for around 3 months, I spent any time I could at the hospital with her, the other struggle with that, was she was an inpatient in the unit I work in, so a lot of colleagues were aware and were constantly asking me how everything was going, which was all a bit much.
Which then leads onto my next incident, turns out stress is a big trigger for my seizures that have been controlled for years, I ended up having a Tonic Clonic  after work, at the bus stop with a lot of people around me, luckily I had a friend from work who's a nurse there with me and her boyfriend who is conveniently a Doctor to help me afterwards, I mainly spent a week in bed due to being so wiped out by it & it took me about 5 days to be able to walk as I normally would again, I hadn't had a tonic clonic seizure in over 4 years so that absolutely broke me where my epilepsy was concerned.
We then celebrated my lovely Nan's 90th birthday with family from all around the world, only for her to be rushed into hospital a week later, she didn't respond to treatment & Nan was put on the palliative care pathway.
My Great Grandma passed away the following morning, my Nan then passed away a few days later.

Along with all of that, there's been the usual life shit going on and I have struggled more than I ever have before, mentally & physically. Legit just had no energy or motivation for anything. I've lost friends, I've really struggled to keep up with my apprenticeship & I've struggled to take care of myself because even that sounded like effort to me and honestly going to work to look after other people was really difficult after losing my own family members.
Also, hence why last year was not a good blogging year for me because that was the lowest of all priorities.


Okay, so now I got that all out, I'm guessing you can see where I'm coming from now. As much as a lot of what happened was out of my control, what I could control..I didn't do very well. I didn't take a moment to myself when I needed it, I found things I "needed" to do and the usual self care I would do, hasn't happened for months.

So 2019 for me, is to take back control. My priorities haven't been in the right place, my mental health has taken a beating as well as, just looking after myself. I very much lost sight of things I enjoy & what makes me happier as well as healthier, so that's what my year is about.
I've pin pointed a few things & what my priorities are, so 2019 is going to go a bit like this;


Blogging

I've been thinking about it a lot recently & whether blogging is an added pressure I'm putting on myself when I really could do without that, with that in mind, I've started to see blogging in another light, less fun and more forced. That's not what it's about for me and most definitely not why I started doing it, so blogging is dropping down on my priorities list. I'm not scheduling myself, not forcing myself & not feeling bad for not doing it. It's my little escape where I can chat shit & I'm not about to ruin that.

Studying 

Due to the last year, I've struggled to keep on top of it so this one has shot straight to top priority. I mean, I'm not actually behind on work at all, I just want to get it done & to a good quality with the hopes of going onto the next course super soon. Plus, final exams are looming. I have the next month of preparation and mock exams then onto the real thing. Hence why this is now top priority

Exercise 

Never thought that would be something I want to be doing, but here we are. I was going to the gym with a friend & then ended up not having the time to do it. Thinking back now, as much as it was hard work and I needed all the baths afterwards, it did me so much good. I felt better in myself for doing it and I'm very much wanting to get back to it...even though I know it's going to really hurt to begin with.

Self Care

I was all about self care and then that also fizzled out which obviously didn't do much good. I'm not just talking about whacking a face mask on and taking a minute every now and then. I actually need to work on what makes me happier and calmer. Organising myself a bit more, keeping my space tidy because nothing annoys me more than when everything is a mess around me, taking time out when I need it, saying no more often and listening to my body. I've lacked on so much of this stuff and its really shown. Everyone has their own ways of taking care of themselves and these are just a few of mine.


They aren't goals, I don't set myself goals but because I'm so bloody good at running myself into the ground I've decided to try and get my priorities in order & take the pressure off.
I want 2019 to be a bit more of a care free year & give myself a minute to enjoy it.

How's your new year looking?
Emily-May x


2 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry to hear about your 2018, and don't worry about your blog taking a back seat. You come first and you have to look after yourself first. I hope 2019 is much better for you and you can achieve everything you set out to do xx

    Hannah | luxuryblush

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  2. I hope this year is a better year for you, sending you all the happiness and love for 2019 💖💖

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