Time To Be Selfish

Sometimes when you feel like you have people relying on you or even leaning on you for support, you can easily forget that you are just as important to take care of as anyone else in your life. I've always been the kind of person that will drop everything for someone that needs me, I've often put people before me, pushing aside what is going on in my life, I've even made myself ill with regards to my epilepsy because I was doing too much to help someone else. But when the tables turn and realise that there isn't really anyone in your life that would do that for you, its a bit of a shitter. I mean at the same time I'm very good at suppressing issues in my life, so maybe it doesn't look like I need that support? 

After having a rocky start to the new year, its time to be selfish. With my time, money and life, its time to do what I want to do when I want. And that's even just going out a grabbing a drink in the day with out checking if anyone wants to come. I'm good on my own, I'm comfortable in my own company and I do enjoy a me day every now and then.

Sometimes you do just need to cut off the world and enjoy the now. Have plans but really not feeling it? Cancel it. Want to put your phone on silent and ignore life for a while? Go ahead. Want to take the longest bubble bath and pamper session in the middle of the day and soak till you're resembling a prune? Crack on. Its so hard to forget that sometimes you need to cut life out and most definitely social media every now and then to just relax and clear your mind.

There's so much I've wanted to do but I've never seemed to get around to it, for other reasons and not being able to take the time out. I've always wanted to blog, but thought the time would take me away from certain people because I need to be in my own little bubble to whack a post or two out. And you know what? It does take up some free time I have, but I don't care if that's an issue for people because it's an outlet I need and has helped me along the way.

I'm also forever dreaming of visiting new places, whether it be a weekend break or a good old holiday. I've never really gone ahead and planned anything because I didn't want to annoy different people because I was going away without them to somewhere they've mentioned before. I'm also a bit of a nightmare where travel is concerned as I need to have a fit to fly letter every time and extra medication 'just in case', and also don't want to be a burden on anyone in case I do have an offish day. But this year, I need to remember that I can't plan around Epilepsy, my closest friends are all supportive about it and I really need to not let it hold me back. So, I am now planning to see new places and I'm going to enjoy it.

Where money is concerned I'm a massive pain, I'm forever thinking I should be moving out and having my life together by now, but..there's no real time scale to follow. I need to remember that. I'm also really good at throwing my money at unnecessary shit. It can go either way for me where financial responsibility is involved. As much as I want my own space and to build my life, I don't like being home on my own in the evening. So living on my own would be a massive challenge for me, but I guess I can't live at home forever and the person I would have seen myself do that with isn't in my life anymore. So looks like that will be a solo challenge. But for the minute, I'm going to be a home bird and buy more shit I don't need in the process.

This year I'm concentrating on me, a healthier life and mind. I'm doing what I want to do, when I want to do it. I'm buying the stupidly expensive shoes because I can and want to. I'm getting out and about more rather than spending my time slobbing out. I'm going on breaks away and holidays, I'm going to gigs to see bands people cringe at but I love. I'm doing me and I'll do it all on my own. It's taken me far to long to realise I come first, from now on I won't forget it.

Always do you first.
Emily-May x